Like B-Movies? How about B-Music? The best/worst thing you will ever hear.

Every so often, I come across something that sounds downright wretched. Stuff you can't stand to hear because it's awful. Kinda like idealistic chick flicks, which is often so terrible that I have to either leave the room/theater and somehow dull whatever pain that is coursing through my body. Then...you hear/see something that is a whole different level of bad. It's so terrible that you can't help but laugh your ass off. The humorous nature comes from the disbelief that you are actually hearing/seeing something that bad. The denial your senses go into makes everything so much funnier. This is exactly what you're going to hear. (You will need an MP3 player - You can get one here).

The following songs were recorded during a high school band rehearsal that our friend Joebob had the pleasure of participating in. He decided to share his pain with us by recording a rehearsal for us. Thanks a lot, Joebob.

*WARNING* I am not responsible for any outbursts of laughter or disbelief beyond this point. Continue and download at your own risk.

1. "Scales."

For anyone who is a non-music type person, scales are basically the "structure" or "foundation" of any song. Every song is somewhat based around scales, which contain a total of 8 main notes. This is the most basic of the basic. To our disbelief (but not any lack of surprise), the AHS band has quite an interesting time going from scale to scale. Something to keep in mind: If a band has a hard time with scales, they will have quite a hard time with actual songs. I hope you know what you're in store for now.

2. Joy to the Deaf

"Joy to the World" is a long time favorite among Christmas celebrations. As AHS plays this, we dub it, "Joy to the Deaf." The intro, which contains a duet of trumpets, horrendously out of tune and out of synch with each other, is indeed something full of joy...to the deaf. Words cannot describe how this song is butchered beyond belief.

3. Rhythm Wonderland

As we move to the next track, you may somewhat recognize that this song is "Winter Wonderland." Since AHS enjoys taking classics and destroying even the lame arrangements that have been watered down for terrible bands, we decided to have a listen and quite a good laugh. It's inconceivable how BAD this is. The songs is already too slow. There's not a single instrument in tune. I'm having a hard time believing that even the bells are in tune. Keep in mind that all of this is after months of rehearsal.

4. Tuning Fantasy

I don't know which song this is supposed to be, but it's wretched. There's a giant conglomeration of CRAP going on during this track, all of which have no sense of rhythm or pitch. Gotta love the angry band director.

5. Slayed Ride

"Sleigh Ride?" you ask? Wrong. Slayed Ride. A very well known song for the holidays. Compared to most of their songs, this one starts out ok, then just progressivly goes downhill. Basically, it's the end product of how I feel when I hear/see Christmas commercials. I can't stop laughing...someone turn it off...

6. Hallelujia It's Over

So much terrible...so much funny... This particular track is one of my favorite. There's a lot of areas where all the instruments are supposed to be playing the same note, but end up being so out of tune that it'll cause brain damage. Marvelous. Remember, this band plays a Christmas show in front of parents and faculty.

7. Brit In Ya

Well, if you're starting to ache from laughing, get ready for more. Might wanna take a break or something. Get some water. Heh. This particular song is called, "Britania" or something. Whatever it is, they did such an awful job that you may have trouble discerning any real rhythm. They kinda do better here, but...naw, don't thing it'll get listenable. Heh.

8. Laughing Celebration

Uh oh, AHS is going Ricky Martin. They both suck. This here song is called, "Latin Celebration." Just listen.

9. Lying Queen Broad

"Lion King Broadway." Hurray for cheesy band arrangements of Disney films. Well, upon listening to this particular song, you might be able to recognize Elton John's catchy little melody from the Lion King. That is, if you're lucky. Lots of random noise and chaos, as before. GOD those trumpets...someone shoot them.

10. Band Room Circus

This song is supposed to be a circus song. It isn't. It's SHIT.

11. Choking Bilge

Ugh... Before I murder the person playing the Triangle, I want to let you all know that listening to this band will make you feel dumber. But you already knew that from the blood coming out of your ears.

12. Poop and Circumsize

"Pomp and Circumstance" is a well known tune that is often played during a graduation ceremony. Listening to this will drop your grades below passing, thus keeping you in high school for the remainder of your life.

13. Lying Queen Outtake

Hearing this particular snippet will make you wonder why this band is so awesome.

Rating

Category Comment Rating
Fun Factor Who to blame here? 0
Talent NO! -3
Laugh Level Yay for crap! 0
Boredom Fix-ness Band arrangements + bad band = 0 0
0
0
Final Verdict: -0.75

Comments!

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The following comments after this point are old comments. Yay!

Lete TUba Playa forms verbage to communicate:

Smilie!Hahaha. This is still here? Awesome. I've got bad news guys, AHS hasn't gotten any better, but now they torture Black Sabbath songs in their routines.
February 6th 2010, 10:16 AM

linkdude64 absolves:

Smilie!BBBRRRRRUUUTTAALLLL!!!!!!! i havent heard any death metal thats made my ears bleed THIS much since i first heard suffocation when i was in the womb of the virgin mary! thats right, i am jesus! hail satan!
October 12th 2008, 6:47 PM

gpdave1 conveys:

Smilie!mother fucker! When I was in jr high, our band kicked ass, we even got special acknowledgement from the canton symphony...this is a HIGH SCHOOL BAND?! Its ok to be that bad in elementary, but HIGH SCHOOL?! Who the hell is the band director? Do they know how to tune an instrument? lil shits these days, emo fags, they put effort into nothing! My god, we made an effort and were proud of it! I laughed at first, but now I'm mother fucking angry!
October 9th 2008, 2:01 AM

Viper629 unleashes:

Smilie!holy... what the... huh? is ahs a school for the special kids? holy shit. and i thought my high school band sounded bad sometimes. they should make a christmas cd and title it "ahs bends christmas over and fucks it in the ass," because they basically raped every christmas song in the book.
September 3rd 2008, 8:04 AM

Snowbird unleashes:

Smilie!This is the most Gawd Awful shit I've ever heard. I almost peed my panties.....yeah

PsychoslutRoboT says in non-morse code:

Smilie!Wonderful post! wonderful! absolutely loverly. And stuff.

Kodoku bakes:

Smilie!I'm definately going to burn these to a CD and drive my family nuts with it during the Xmas season... Hahaha.

Dumby declares:

Smilie!I wonder if their parents lied through their teeth afterwards and congratulated them. ''You were so good honey'' Or told them to blow their shit away for sucking so bad.

pstick93 jabbers:

Smilie!MY EARS ARE BLEEDING! OH GOD!

Michel jabbers:

Smilie!I love you guys

Godan forms verbage to communicate:

Smilie!Hey who didn't sound that bad in HS

Godan evaporates:

Smilie!Hey who didn't sound that bad in HS

pimp@yourhouse (Guest) excretes:

Smilie!yeah

michelle (Guest) un-shut-ups:

Smilie!fuk this band!! dere way worse then my elementery school band and we dont even sound good!!

Alyssa (Guest) communicates:

Smilie!Holy Crap! I don't think I've ever heard a band that bad before. I think my IQ just dropped 10 points...

k (Guest) evaporates:

Smilie!omg i cant even believe how bad all these songs are... this is seriously ridiculous and mayb u shud think about not playing instruments

cop341 (Guest) dispenses:

Smilie!you're under arrest

big wang (Guest) yammers:

Smilie!like yeah

wanna get some (Guest) blahs:

Smilie!i really wnat you

wanna get some (Guest) plutoniums:

Smilie!ok i am being serious will.......

big wang (Guest) says in non-morse code:

Smilie!so get over here!

wanna get some (Guest) evaporates:

Smilie!hurry give me a major orgasm

big wang (Guest) forms verbage to communicate:

Smilie!standing tall and waiting

wanna get some (Guest) plutoniums:

Smilie!ok here i go...... where are you?

big wang (Guest) declares:

Smilie!NOW!!!!!!!!!!

wanna get some (Guest) un-shut-ups:

Smilie!yea yeah! sounds like a plan ready or not...... 3.....2.....1

wanna get some (Guest) pizzas:

Smilie!hurry up and write

big wang (Guest) evaporates:

Smilie!sweet get your ass over in my lap...now!

wanna get some (Guest) evaporates:

Smilie!or no?

wanna get some (Guest) dispenses:

Smilie!are you joking?

big wang (Guest) un-shut-ups:

Smilie!so let's go

wanna get some (Guest) splats:

Smilie!so am i

big wang (Guest) bakes:

Smilie!i'm hot an ready

wanna get some (Guest) absolves:

Smilie!nope me, will

big wang (Guest) blahs:

Smilie!hey is a hot chick in there?

wanna get some (Guest) forms verbage to communicate:

Smilie!hey any hott guys here??

Huh? (Guest) un-shut-ups:

Smilie!That Tuba player kicks hardcore llama ass though, listen to him go!

Burgermiestser Miesterburger (Guest) bakes:

Smilie!No toys for anyone this year.

Assman77 (Guest) vocalizes:

Smilie!zanus is a gay homosexual and deserves to die, whos in on it?

CrazedInvader (Guest) pizzas:

Smilie!what the hell happened here? i thought the GPN concert band sucked. now i have to thow away my headphones (worried about contaminants)

Industrislaven vocalizes:

Smilie!haha! thats the funniest shit ive ever heard lol

BroV (Guest) unleashes:

Smilie!Bahahahhahah!!! Should be on teh radios!1

Snider (Guest) yammers:

Smilie!Ouch....my dog ran away and my speakers dont sound right anymroe...

ClarPunk (Guest) un-shut-ups:

Smilie!It's so terrible....you have to love it! Everyone must know!

Joebob un-shut-ups:

Smilie!YAY!

Shafty vocalizes:

Smilie!This is the disaster that results when the members of Old Skull start trying to play in school band.

Gawkman verbalizes:

Smilie!... so much..... BAD......