Every so often, I come across something that sounds downright wretched. Stuff you can't stand to hear because it's awful. Kinda like idealistic chick flicks, which is often so terrible that I have to either leave the room/theater and somehow dull whatever pain that is coursing through my body. Then...you hear/see something that is a whole different level of bad. It's so terrible that you can't help but laugh your ass off. The humorous nature comes from the disbelief that you are actually hearing/seeing something that bad. The denial your senses go into makes everything so much funnier. This is exactly what you're going to hear. (You will need an MP3 player - You can get one here).

The following songs were recorded during a high school band rehearsal that our friend Joebob had the pleasure of participating in. He decided to share his pain with us by recording a rehearsal for us. Thanks a lot, Joebob.

*WARNING* I am not responsible for any outbursts of laughter or disbelief beyond this point. Continue and download at your own risk.

1. "Scales."

For anyone who is a non-music type person, scales are basically the "structure" or "foundation" of any song. Every song is somewhat based around scales, which contain a total of 8 main notes. This is the most basic of the basic. To our disbelief (but not any lack of surprise), the AHS band has quite an interesting time going from scale to scale. Something to keep in mind: If a band has a hard time with scales, they will have quite a hard time with actual songs. I hope you know what you're in store for now.

"Joy to the World" is a long time favorite among Christmas celebrations. As AHS plays this, we dub it, "Joy to the Deaf." The intro, which contains a duet of trumpets, horrendously out of tune and out of synch with each other, is indeed something full of joy...to the deaf. Words cannot describe how this song is butchered beyond belief.

As we move to the next track, you may somewhat recognize that this song is "Winter Wonderland." Since AHS enjoys taking classics and destroying even the lame arrangements that have been watered down for terrible bands, we decided to have a listen and quite a good laugh. It's inconceivable how BAD this is. The songs is already too slow. There's not a single instrument in tune. I'm having a hard time believing that even the bells are in tune. Keep in mind that all of this is after months of rehearsal.

I don't know which song this is supposed to be, but it's wretched. There's a giant conglomeration of CRAP going on during this track, all of which have no sense of rhythm or pitch. Gotta love the angry band director.

"Sleigh Ride?" you ask? Wrong. Slayed Ride. A very well known song for the holidays. Compared to most of their songs, this one starts out ok, then just progressivly goes downhill. Basically, it's the end product of how I feel when I hear/see Christmas commercials. I can't stop laughing...someone turn it off...

So much terrible...so much funny... This particular track is one of my favorite. There's a lot of areas where all the instruments are supposed to be playing the same note, but end up being so out of tune that it'll cause brain damage. Marvelous. Remember, this band plays a Christmas show in front of parents and faculty.

Well, if you're starting to ache from laughing, get ready for more. Might wanna take a break or something. Get some water. Heh. This particular song is called, "Britania" or something. Whatever it is, they did such an awful job that you may have trouble discerning any real rhythm. They kinda do better here, but...naw, don't thing it'll get listenable. Heh.

Uh oh, AHS is going Ricky Martin. They both suck. This here song is called, "Latin Celebration." Just listen.

"Lion King Broadway." Hurray for cheesy band arrangements of Disney films. Well, upon listening to this particular song, you might be able to recognize Elton John's catchy little melody from the Lion King. That is, if you're lucky. Lots of random noise and chaos, as before. GOD those trumpets...someone shoot them.

This song is supposed to be a circus song. It isn't. It's SHIT.

Ugh... Before I murder the person playing the Triangle, I want to let you all know that listening to this band will make you feel dumber. But you already knew that from the blood coming out of your ears.

"Pomp and Circumstance" is a well known tune that is often played during a graduation ceremony. Listening to this will drop your grades below passing, thus keeping you in high school for the remainder of your life.

Hearing this particular snippet will make you wonder why this band is so awesome.

Comments!

Gawkman evaporates:

... so much..... BAD......

(#1)

Shafty vocalizes:

This is the disaster that results when the members of Old Skull start trying to play in school band.

(#2)

Joebob dispenses:

YAY!

(#3)

ClarPunk vocalizes:

It's so terrible....you have to love it! Everyone must know!

(#4)

Snider bakes:

Ouch....my dog ran away and my speakers dont sound right anymroe...

(#5)

BroV unleashes:

Bahahahhahah!!! Should be on teh radios!1

(#6)

industrislaven communicates:

haha! thats the funniest shit ive ever heard lol

(#7)

CrazedInvader plutoniums:

what the hell happened here? i thought the GPN concert band sucked. now i have to thow away my headphones (worried about contaminants)

(#8)

Assman77 verbalizes:

zanus is a gay homosexual and deserves to die, whos in on it?

(#9)

Burgermiestser Miesterburger says in non-morse code:

No toys for anyone this year.

(#10)

Huh? jabbers:

That Tuba player kicks hardcore llama ass though, listen to him go!

(#11)

wanna get some plutoniums:

hey any hott guys here??

(#12)

big wang verbalizes:

hey is a hot chick in there?

(#13)

wanna get some discharges:

nope me, will

(#14)

big wang verbalizes:

i'm hot an ready

(#15)

wanna get some says in non-morse code:

so am i

(#16)

big wang blahs:

so let's go

(#17)

wanna get some declares:

are you joking?

(#18)

wanna get some vocalizes:

or no?

(#19)

big wang splats:

sweet get your ass over in my lap...now!

(#20)

wanna get some dispenses:

hurry up and write

(#21)

wanna get some yammers:

yea yeah! sounds like a plan ready or not...... 3.....2.....1

(#22)

big wang yammers:

NOW!!!!!!!!!!

(#23)

wanna get some blahs:

ok here i go...... where are you?

(#24)

big wang un-shut-ups:

standing tall and waiting

(#25)

wanna get some blahs:

hurry give me a major orgasm

(#26)

big wang absolves:

so get over here!

(#27)

wanna get some yammers:

ok i am being serious will.......

(#28)

wanna get some evaporates:

i really wnat you

(#29)

big wang says in non-morse code:

like yeah

(#30)

cop341 splats:

you're under arrest

(#31)

k discharges:

omg i cant even believe how bad all these songs are... this is seriously ridiculous and mayb u shud think about not playing instruments

(#32)

Alyssa blahs:

Holy Crap! I don't think I've ever heard a band that bad before. I think my IQ just dropped 10 points...

(#33)

michelle says in non-morse code:

fuk this band!! dere way worse then my elementery school band and we dont even sound good!!

(#34)

pimp@yourhouse evaporates:

yeah

(#35)

Godan communicates:

Hey who didn't sound that bad in HS

(#36)

Godan discharges:

Hey who didn't sound that bad in HS

(#37)

Michel excretes:

I love you guys

(#38)

pstick93 blahs:

MY EARS ARE BLEEDING! OH GOD!

(#39)

Dumby plutoniums:

I wonder if their parents lied through their teeth afterwards and congratulated them. ''You were so good honey'' Or told them to blow their shit away for sucking so bad.

(#40)

Kodoku dispenses:

I'm definately going to burn these to a CD and drive my family nuts with it during the Xmas season... Hahaha.

(#41)

PsychoslutRoboT plutoniums:

Wonderful post! wonderful! absolutely loverly. And stuff.

(#42)

Snowbird verbalizes:

This is the most Gawd Awful shit I've ever heard. I almost peed my panties.....yeah

(#43)

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