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Dino Riders

By Murph on 2002-03-02, 10 comments

It’s a war or survival in 65 million B.C.- The Age of the Dinosaur. The Dino-Riders, surviovors of a devastated planet, become friends and allies of the powerful dinosaurs. Their evil enemy, the Rulons, capture and enslave the dinosaurs, hackling them with horrible brain boxes. It’s a war that began in another galaxy, millions of years in the future, and continues millions of years in the past! Dino-Riders, Harness the Power of Dinosaurs.

...Bah hahahahaha!!!

Friday night, a night for parties and fun and chicks and beer and fun and beer. Well, this Friday turned out to be somewhat boring so I decided to go though all of Space Boy's old videos! And to my surprize were the super old Dino Riders videos! This show was "popular" sometime in the 80's, and was a little boy's action dream. Just think, what could be better than dinosaurs with huge freak'n guns attached to them? Nothing that I can think of, at least not at that age. If it were now they'd all be half naked chicks with beer and pizza riding dinosaurs with huge freak'n guns attached to them. The dinosaurs, not the chicks.

All three tapes Space Boy had were about the same deal;

Ship with heros gets shot down and somehow lands on prehistoric Earth. No one questions this, and they're all too lazy to find a way off the planet, so instead just say it's they're new home and say "Hooray!" a lot.
Evil reptile guys get mad and put a "brain box" on a T-Rex so they can control it and use their cunning "run right at them and shot a lot" strategy that never works but they are so damn persistent on using it every time.
Random new hero people are added out of no where and are never questioned.
Every time the bad guys break into the base the gem they want is gone.
The main hero says, "Yee-Haw!" and throws his necklace in the air. The animation then pauses on the necklace and the credits rolled. All three videos ended like this.

Kids are easy to please apparently, they don't need things getting in the way like "story," "purpose," or "logic." Even the names of the characters are lame. Such great ones as Questar, Krulos, Antor, Bomba, Tang, (the only woman Dino Rider, and her name is TANG!) Faze, Glyde, Gunner, (yes, that's his name) Hammerhead, (he looks like a hammerhead shark, get it?), Kameelian, (he's a chamelean, get it?) Llahd, and Rasp.

To top it off, the guns in the show were pretty much useless. They'd shoot yes, but never hit anything. On the rare occasion that they did make contact with dinoness they would just look sad and run. I guess the lasers are some kind of sadness ray that make them feel fat or think that no one likes them. So, in shame they run to their caves to go on crash diets and run the stair climber until they develop superior stair climbing powers and use them to climb stairs faster and more efficiently.

Another thing that struck me odd is that on a purchased video there were commercials. Now mind you these are really old commercials all for Tyco toys involving RC cars running through houses and flying trains that glow in the dark. Also, army Legos that knock over a fence and somehow save the day. You too can get the Army Lego Playset and take on your own legions of renagade fences as well as the sinister glow-in-the-dark flying trains!

I suppose that the show wasn't a complete flop though. Some morons bought the tapes, not to mention the extensive amout of fan sites on the internet, including this one and that one. I can't see how anyone could find this show different than G.I. Joe or Transformers, with the exception that they were GOOD. This show is not for anyone, even if you could find it witch you can't. If you are obsessed with Dinosaurs, like Space Boy was, this is still a bad purchase. Shame on Dino Riders, so much shame!

Dino Riders images... visually!

Dinosaurs and big-ass guns. Could it get any better? Yes.

Dino Riders riding dinos.

Yay! A Placerias!

If there's one thing the world needs more of, it's Ankylosaurus' with giant crossbows on their backs.

God, this show sucked.

Heh... Tang.

Wow, sure LOOKS like action

I don't know what this has to do with Dino Riders, but it showed up when I searched for it.

Fun Factor: 1/5

Not very fun, depite the dinos.

Dumbness Level: 1.5/5

Guns did nothing, all episodes the same thing. So dumb.

Laugh Level: 3/5

Funny cause it's dumb.

Boredom Fix-ness: 2/5

Might make some even more bored.

Creativity: 4.5/5

Anyone who thought to put guns on dinos is a genious.

Overall: 2.4/5

Post a comment!

crap verbalizes: (#1)

crap

sexy vocalizes: (#2)

i think this game is literally going to suck and hardl anyone will play it!!!!!1

Jeremy evaporates: (#3)

That was a fuckin tight show, don't bash on it or I'll kick your ass homes.

bob bakes: (#4)

dino riders ids the best damn cartoon ever made along side transformers

AnonFag@82.143.70.153 blahs: (#5)

hallo

sausage conveys: (#6)

mom, buy me the big t-rex! No son...uh...I'll buy you two smaller ones.

This along with "Sky Commanders" became another cartoon/commercial. Kids essentially watched 30mins of commercials.

Swesticle King says in non-morse code: (#7)

If I had a dinosaur I would race it.

Sasha declares: (#8)

*holmes

Sasha excretes: (#9)

crap said:
crap

Im trying to figure out how to quote.

Sasha declares: (#10)

Sasha said:
<table width=75% align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=0><tr><td><hr align=center width=100% size=1>crap said: crap <hr align=center width=100% size=1></td></tr></table>Im trying to figure out how to quote.

yay, I did it right!

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