Natalie Bomke

Written by Isikins on March 13th 2009, 4:12 PM (3)

A pluhbabe about Sacramento Fox 40 Morning News Anchor Natalie Bomke? Wheytaminit ... who?

Isikins's Final Verdict!

News Face"Why not a five?" You ask. I don't really know, but I can't come on here all the time giving perfect scores to everything. I mean, come on man. Variety.

BodRockin' man. Rockin'. Not sure what else to say about that, really. Interesting hair. It doesn't say news anchor so much as it says, 'I'm smart, but I also like to go play on swings and other stuffs.'

Smile/FaceTV ready, that's for damn sure. I wonder if, since this is all public domain, I won't come across as a creep. Fuck it! I'd give her a 10 on this one. If you saw the pictures, you will know that she has an adorable, adorable face ... and cheeks you just wanna squeeze. Oh, and when she laughs, check out that squint. Unfair, isn't it?

PersonalityWinning, and probably delightful in person. I only give it a three because ... well, I only know her news persona. She's not in tabloids or anything so it's not like all Sacramento(ites?) can get a in depth glimpse at who she really is through a looking glass. Maybe that's why it's easier to do a pluhbabe on Nicole Kidman. We'll see if that happens. I suspect my meeting her will result in a conversation similar to the one you saw in the article. Never was a suave Romeo, dogs. I sure can write up a god damn storm though, that's for true.

Bang FactorThe possibilities are limitless, but I'll just play innocent school teacher and say my mind exploded with a band when I woke up that morning and she said, "in other news ..."

Overall: 4.3/5

Agree? Disagree? Impartial? Stupid? Comment on it!

When I asked Rawrb about the ideas I could bring to pluh.com, he gave me specific instructions to not bring politics OR religion into the mix. For the past few weeks, I have avoided such subjects without them turning into opinion based rants, which is really difficult for me to do. Granted, I've been feeling a bit drained of any sort of meaningful Pluh substance these days, and it has affected my writing. Yes, a very sad story, indeed, but as luck would have it, last Monday I met a beautiful, beautiful woman.

Okay, I didn't meet her in person, and I haven't spoken to her ... um ... ever, but that's not the point here. The point is that she exists, and I saw that she exists in the realm of this 3D world we live in. Sure, it took me two weeks to actually think of what could be said about this woman, but I think that I've seen her enough times in the past (on TV, like a cool person) to finally present to you the latest inductee to the prestigious, exclusive, and hilariously womanizing aspect to the pluh.com world of Pluhbabes. I asked Rawrb what it actually means to be a Pluhbabe, and he essentially told me that it means nothing other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. I read a couple of the pluhbabes articles and I was pleased to see that I'm not the only loser on this planet gawking at women who are so far out of my league, it's tragic to think about. But what would this world be without devastatingly beautiful women, amirite, folks?

Enough intro, though, because it is time to introduce everyone to the lovely Fox 40 Sacramento Morning News Anchor, and winner of the 2009 Sacramento Hottest Anchor Award(roflc0pt3r), Natalie Bomke. "But, Isikins," you ask, "who is this Natalie Bomke, exactly?" Well, faithful readers, Natalie Bomke is the lovely Fox 40 Sacramento Morning News Anchor, and winner of the 2009 Sacramento Hottest Anchor Award(roflc0pt3r), Natalie Bomke. Maybe if you all just paid attention, I wouldn't have to write the whole think over again. So now that we are all on the same page, you would all like to know what this Natalie Bomke looks like, right? Right? Take a gander:

I suppose the blessed physical features are enough motivation to write a piece here, and I can't say that I blame me either. There really is nothing to not admire about this woman from her humungous, strangely intimidating hair down to her cute little cheeks that you just want to squeeze(and I'm talking about her face.) Still, this writer (me) understands that there must be beauty behind the beauty, and redundancy behind every seemingly clever statement that is actually not that clever at all. When I say 'beauty behind the beauty' I must be reffering to the understanding of who, at her innermost core, Natalie Bomke actually is, and as Roger Ebert once said about Quantum Mechanics, "one should always start at what they DO understand." Sound words ... which works out great since Roger Ebert is a hero of mine. Maybe I'll create a whole new section on pluh.com called pluheroes, and Roger Ebert will be my first victim. I'm sure he'd be flattered, too, being showered with comments from a pseudo-intellectual. (Quick question to all you smart folks out there. If a person is a self-proclaimed 'pseudo-intellectual,' is that person really a pseudo-intellectual, or is this person giving themselves too much credit? Find out after I find out. I suppose I could let you know tomorrow ... but I have some stuff I gotta do.)

I quickly discovered that Natalie Bomke is very much like Quantum Mechanics in that I know nothing about either of them. Congratulations to me, I suppose, for understanding nothing about anything, since Quantum Mechanics is pretty much anything and everything collapsed into eachother, which means nothing exists, which means Natalie Bomke doesn't exist, which means none of this even matters anyway. That kind of thinking is negative, I know, but it also puts things in perspective ... like that time at that party. I remember it, and so do you, Jon! I suppose that makes everyone pretty much invincible, and in our non-exsistence, we are still able to see and comprehend all that is around us, which means that we exsist within our non-existence, which means we are all immortals, which means we are all pretty much God, and I now have all the answers to life, and for some reason, we have a chalkboard in the living room. Also, you're welcome. Back to the focus of the ... essay?

So there's no God and our newest Pluhbabe doesn't even exsist in the realm of horrifyingly glossed over interpretations of Dr. Manhattan understandings, which I don't even understand myself, which is why all of this makes complete sense. However, she IS a news anchor and she DOES report the news, and she HAS been on the morning show for a good amount of time and she seems to be all smiles and bubblegum, so I suppose I could divulge into Isikins's 'suggested beauty behind the beauty.' Don't worry, I'm not going to try to understand the pain behind the smiles and get all 'tears of a news anchor' on you. I'll save that one for when I write a pluhbabe about Tom Brokaw.

Anyways, she IS a news anchor, which means she is probably pretty well informed in regards to a number of things. I can tell you that besides watching Ms. Bomke on the news, I actually do pay attention to what they talk about. I take away a few things, sure, but for the most part I kind of forget the things I forget about ... mostly the reportings about Sacramento because I don't live there. HAAAAA! Still, they go beyond the Sac limits and talk about worldly things because God Dammit, it's the news, not the Sierra Sun: Sacramento Edition. They actually tell you stuff about the world, trying to keep everyone informed and what not. I suppose they do a good job, though I don't have much to compare it to since ... the news only occasionally strikes me as something I should watch. Well, at least in the world of Morning news reportings. And at least Fox 40 is fun because they are all like radio personalities, which is pretty awesome! Especially Rick Boone, who my brother loves. Can't blame him either because Rick Boone always reacts to whatever seems to be surprising news with an enthusiastic but ingenuine 'WUUUUUUT?' You know who all these people are, is the great thing.

Who was I talking about again? 

Anyways, she DOES report the news, which means, through my "complex" way of thinking, she is obviously really smart. Smart girls are sexy, and are definitely pluhbabe worthy almost to an extent that is completely unfair. You never know, though. She may be like me in that the important things stick with her, and the other stuff is like, 'wait, what happened? Oh that? Uh ... sounds good then. On to other things now.' Kind of like the time when I was talking to my brother about 'Watchmen' and then we talked about the Pink Slip my dad might be getting because Education in California is so low on the list of priorities. Which part did we remember? The Pink Slip ... and Pink Slips are hard to forget about when they are mentioned by Trey Parker in a song about how fucking awesome America is. This doesn't exactly mean that Natalie Bomke remindes me of my brother, but she's closer to reminding me of my brother than ... you know what, nevermind. You don't even know who my brother is. Wouldn't it be awesome if she turned out to be like my brother though? ... Actually no, it kind of wouldn't. It'd be like, 'I'm seeing the image of Natalie Bomke, and I hear the voice of Natalie Bomke, but I'm talking to my brother.' I like my brother ... but he's my brother, and he isn't a pluhbabe.

She HAS been on the show for a good amount of time, which obviously means she is dedicated to her ... craft? I don't know what you would call the art of doing the news other than 'the art of doing the news.' I assume that there is some art to it, and I bet it has to take a talented person to do it right. This means no bias, no cussing, and having that authoritative "you are watching the news" voice that she does almost too well. Why do they do this voice? Because, when you are watching the news, you aren't on the lookout for someone you'd like to have a beer with (I'd totally have a beer with Rick Boone), you are looking for information without the inconvenience of torture, which is why the news is progressive.

Then there is the whole 'bubblegun and smiles' thing, which is probably the best part because even though she's on TV, she is your friend. "Today Barack Obama signed yet another multi-billion dollar bailout plan, which may be alarming to some of you viewers, but it's okay because we're all heading over to the theater at Sac State to see 'Avenue Q' and, I mean, you can totally come if you want." That sort of thing. And she's on at 4:30 in the morning, so it's like waking up to a happy person who wants to tell you some stuff. "Why good morning there. Did you have a nice sleep?" "I did have a nice sleep. So ... you know ... domo arigato, Mr. Roboto." It's like those times in Fallout when you return to your pad, wherever it is depending on whether you blew up Megaton or not, and you go to bed, and when you wake up, Wadsworth greets you with a handsome, 'Good morning, Mistress? Can I interest you in a joke?" And then he tells you a joke about electrons at a bar. Weird. Still, the most attractive thing is the good attitude, regardless of what she thinks about life outside of the newsroom. I'd hate to one day discover that she's a total nihilist and only does this journalism thing for the cashola, but until that actually happens I can only work with what I'm given ... and I'm given news reports, and the occasional Sacramento Scene that she does every Friday, which sometimes isn't even in Sacramento.

Oh, Jesus Christ! I almost forgot, she looks at LOLCATS! She looks at god damn LOLCATS! There's reason enough to be like, 'Oh holy jesus! I love Natalie Bomke! She looks at effing LOLCATS! I FUCKING LOVE LOLCATS! Man! What a great day I'm having." The topper to this woman would have to be if she dug 'The Dark Knight," watched the Colbert Report, played videogames, watched Die Hard with a full understanding that Bruce Willis is a pimp, and listened  to Incubus, The Mars Volta, and Sting ... and could talk on and on about the ridiculous meanings of every single song ... and, didn't find me totally weird and awkward and stuff even though most people think I am. That would be so many happy days in a picnic basket, wouldn't it?

So, dearest reader, you are probably wondering why a Sacramento Celebrity (if you'd call her that) would make the pluhbabes section of a website based out of Pheonix? "Isikins, is this girl even famous?" Well ... okay no. I suppose because I see her on TV doesn't really mean that YOU can see her on TV because you live in Synechdoche, New York (see what I did there?) There could be a Natalie Bomke in New York ... hell there could even be a Natalie Bomke in London. I've never heard of those Natalie Bomkes, though, and I only know of the Natalie Bomke in Sacramento. And I live about 100 miles east of there, so she and the rest of her news team are pretty wide spread. So, in essence, she's famous enough, and I'm sure you Sacramento readers would agree that of all the Sacramento placed pluhbabes, Natalie Bomke definitely deserves a spot.

Oh, also obligatory fake dialogue.

Isikins: Heeey, Natalie Bomke. You're on the news.
NB: Yea, I am on the news.

Isikins: Well, see ya.
NB: Bye.