Lindsey Lohan

Written by Rawrb on May 2nd 2005, 12:00 AM (20)

Dumb? Yes. Questionable judgement? Yes. Dances on tabletops? Yes. Eats sushi with a spork? Probably.

Rawrb's Final Verdict!

Overall: 4.4/5

Agree? Disagree? Impartial? Stupid? Comment on it!

Pluhbabes return... again and again!

We've been out of the loop for Pluhbabes for so long that, in all reality, more Pluhbabes have surfaced from the depths of... *shudder* Hollywood. But we can't all place our faith in that "place" where only the "important" people reside. Because if you're famous, you're more important than other people! Keep that in mind, drones.

With this "return" of the Pluhbabes, I suppose Lindsey Lohan would be an obvious choice. She's been under the radar for a while, what with the nice GUUUUH and GARRRF combo in her arse-nal. AHRH AHRHRH! I am PUN MAYUNN!

Anyway, on to the degrading.

Young, but not GET THROWN IN JAIL PERVERT young.

I have not seen a single Lindsey Lohan movie, I must admit. Why? Because most of her movies look:

1. Stupid.
2. Terrible.
3. Lame.
4. Bad.
5. Trendy.
6. Poppy.
7. Yeller!
8. SHUT UP

I suppose there's not much I know about her, other than she's nuclear bangable and is well known for being some sort of actress. One of her latest movies was with Jamie Lee Curtis where she is teenagar and somehow switches bodies with her mom (Curtis). That is, quite possibly, the most unoriginal plot EVAR. I recall seeing at least 3 other movies like that, one of them having Fred Savage (when he was a youngin') and that other guy. It was called Vice-Versa, and was pretty decent. I can't remember the others. Oh well, stuff.

Then she was in some other movie I've never seen called, "Mean Girls." People seem to have liked it and stuff because mean girls are funny, and apparantly, extremely hot. This warrants much short-term relationship stuff in that case. For those who don't understand the real meaning behind a "short-term relationship," it basically is a two-month long (or less) fling where you just engage in lots of dirty deeds, like secks (lots of it), going to clubs, and putting up with stupid crap. So the only good thing you get is them thar INTARCOURSE, and that's it. Then you dump her and move on. Pretty genious, no? Maybe.

The only "downfall" to such a thing is that you have to be willing to put up with stupid "dumb girl" stuff (at least for a while). That, and potential drama stuff that creeps up where word gets out that you are a "manwhore" and such. Then you laugh and eat pizza. So what's the lesson here? Hmmm.

I forget.

But the point I'm getting at is... uhh...

I forget that too.

"I'm Lindey Lohan. Keep dreaming, jerkwad!"

The end result? You're just too inferior.

Miss Lohan is one of those, "unattainable because she's famous and you're not" type of chicks, so you're better off focusing your POWARS on real girls. Luckily for you (and me), there are plenty of Lindey Lohan hotness type chicks that are not famous and definately attainable. So chin up, Mr. Normal!

I did, however, attempt to contact her management to see if I could score an interview. Here's the response:

Dear Mr. Kayn,

NO!

- Lindey Lohan Management

So here comes the infamous Pluhbabe Made-up Dialogue tm!

Lindey Lohan, "After reading your review of me, I'm rather insulted that you think I'm that shallow."
Kayn, "My deepest apologies. I had to assume you were like this because you seem to date only celebrities like Colin Farrel."
Lindsey, "Oh come on - can you blame me?"
Kayn, "For what exactly?"
Lindsey, "He's famous, rich, and attractive."
Kayn, "I see. So if a man has those three attributes, every other potential pitfall in that man becomes null and void?"
Lindsey, "What do you mean?"
Kayn, "Well, let's say Colin Farrel, being the rich, famous, good-looking guy that he is, has a terrible habit... like, ohh, I dunno, eating babies."
Lindsey, "Oh give me a break. Why would he eat babies?"
Kayn, "I dunno. Can you prove that he doesn't eat babies?"
Lindsey, "No..."
Kayn, "My point exactly."
Lindsey, "Wait, you're not making sense..."
Kayn, "Well, I can tell you one thing. *I* don't eat babies."
Lindsey, "Really?"
Kayn, "Yes."
Lindsey, "Your compassion for the population of innocent infants gets me hot. BRING FORTH UNTO ME THE KAYNBANG!"
Kayn, "ROOOAWWRRR!"
Lindsey, "GRAWRARRRRR!"

After running several passthroughs on the Celebrity Interview Simulator between Lindsey Lohan and I, this conversation came out exactly like this 99% of the time. In other words, if I actually did interview her, there would be a 99% chance it would have gone exactly like this.

Enjoy being jealous, wretches!